Carpet Salespeople Gifts

'The dining room? It's 18 wine bottles long, and 15 wide.'

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

"Pretty cushy, am I right?"

'Ever thought of having the place re-carpeted?'

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

"'Thou shalt give good discounts'? That's a commandment?"

'I found our eight year old sales goals, and we're almost there.'

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

"Wall to wall carpet. Shouldn't that be wall to wall to wall to wall carpet?"

"There's nothing like new carpeting to freshen up a place, I say."

Hee hee hee, watch this - I just shuffled my feet on the carpet.

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

'You'll find that these really let your feet breathe'

'Now THAT'S what I call a love seat!'

"Delivery in thirty minutes or your pizza is free(zing)."

"This one contains our tailgating deterrent feature."

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

"If you haven't got a TV, what do you point your furniture at?"

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

"And remember the rule: when the carpet is old, that's when we hold, when the carpet is new, that's when we spew!"

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

'I am sorry about this vicar, but my wife has just had new carpets fitted.'

'Now, that's what I call a deathbed!'

"If you purchased this guy's everlasting soul, here are some of his friends who may be willing to sell you theirs."

'No - I'll give the underlay a miss.'

That adds life! Before we installed the carpet, I looked down and saw nothing except a blank stair!

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

"A secure and restful sleep is guaranteed when this mattress is stuffed with your own money."

'I said shag carpeting.'

'I see from your resume, that on your last job you were salesperson of the month. Says here that you were given a plague. Do you feel better now?'