Carpet Seller Gifts

Flying carpets $10.00, flying linoleum $3.00.

'Remember when we laughed when he said he'd deliver!'

'No - I'll give the underlay a miss.'

"And while we're here, do you have a rug for my husband's head?"

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'Ever thought of having the place re-carpeted?'

'I'll take the one on the right.'

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

"Wall to wall carpet. Shouldn't that be wall to wall to wall to wall carpet?"

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

"There's nothing like new carpeting to freshen up a place, I say."

'My husband's just getting some ready to show you.'

"And remember the rule: when the carpet is old, that's when we hold, when the carpet is new, that's when we spew!"

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

Man saying 'Bless you!' to a Big Issue vendor.

"A secure and restful sleep is guaranteed when this mattress is stuffed with your own money."

'I am sorry about this vicar, but my wife has just had new carpets fitted.'

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

Which one? The Times? The Post? Maybe The Tribune? Oh, Phil - Picking out a carpet is so difficult.

"We had an expert restore all the original shag carpeting."

Mattress salesmen are creepy. Especially the ones that lie down on the bed with you.

Bill often considered cutting his armpit hair, but then he'd need to buy carpeting.

'Wall-to-wall carpets go on the floor, not on the walls.'

Fabric Company: No tulle left in this vehicle overnight

"Maybe we shouldn't have chosen to buy the super springy mattress!"

A street scene.

'Mine!'

Carpet fitter

"Seats two comfortably. Three if your kinky."

We have reason to believe you have an unlicenced sofa...

Office carpets,putting green type.