Carpet Fitter Gifts

Which one? The Times? The Post? Maybe The Tribune? Oh, Phil - Picking out a carpet is so difficult.

Hair trigger

'We don't need new carpeting. Just tape these sample swatches to your feet.'

Carpet fitting at New Year's Day. 'Out with the old, in with the new'.

"Dad! the magic carpet fitters here"

Carpet fitter

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'Ever thought of having the place re-carpeted?'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

"Wall to wall carpet. Shouldn't that be wall to wall to wall to wall carpet?"

Hee hee hee, watch this - I just shuffled my feet on the carpet.

"There's nothing like new carpeting to freshen up a place, I say."

'Do these come in blue?'

"And remember the rule: when the carpet is old, that's when we hold, when the carpet is new, that's when we spew!"

'I am sorry about this vicar, but my wife has just had new carpets fitted.'

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

That adds life! Before we installed the carpet, I looked down and saw nothing except a blank stair!

'No - I'll give the underlay a miss.'

'I said shag carpeting.'

"We had an expert restore all the original shag carpeting."

Young Roger Penrose: 'Dad, I want to become a floor tiler.'

Bill often considered cutting his armpit hair, but then he'd need to buy carpeting.

'Wall-to-wall carpets go on the floor, not on the walls.'

"You were right, dear, slippers, shiny floor and a grouting gun don't mix."

"I told him to trim a couple of inches off the middle and he thought it was a fat remark."

'I wonder how you flush this thing?'

"I'm getting a slight draught through the double glazing, you fitted for me."

Office carpets,putting green type.

Biggo Carpet Co.: 'Out cutting a rug'

'What makes you think my kitchen was fitted by cowboys?'

'Carpets' 'Try before you buy'