Carpet Salesperson T-Shirts

"I had the most marvellous dream last night. The whole world was done over in wall-to-wall carpeting."

"The carpet salesperson was right, a darker colour will hide all manner of sins."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

"Pretty cushy, am I right?"

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

'Ever thought of having the place re-carpeted?'

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

'I found our eight year old sales goals, and we're almost there.'

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

"'Thou shalt give good discounts'? That's a commandment?"

"There's nothing like new carpeting to freshen up a place, I say."

Hee hee hee, watch this - I just shuffled my feet on the carpet.

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

"Wall to wall carpet. Shouldn't that be wall to wall to wall to wall carpet?"

"How about moving in a little closer?"

'You'll find that these really let your feet breathe'

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

"If you haven't got a TV, what do you point your furniture at?"

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

"Delivery in thirty minutes or your pizza is free(zing)."

'Now THAT'S what I call a love seat!'

"And remember the rule: when the carpet is old, that's when we hold, when the carpet is new, that's when we spew!"

"This one contains our tailgating deterrent feature."

'Now, that's what I call a deathbed!'

'I see from your resume, that on your last job you were salesperson of the month. Says here that you were given a plague. Do you feel better now?'

'No - I'll give the underlay a miss.'

"If you purchased this guy's everlasting soul, here are some of his friends who may be willing to sell you theirs."

'I am sorry about this vicar, but my wife has just had new carpets fitted.'

'I said shag carpeting.'

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"