Carpet Sales Associate T-Shirts

'Top shag.'

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

Handbag store - "Perfect."

Cut Price

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

'Rozlyn, that blouse is very cute! I think you should get it.'

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'These are called, 'Diet Pants.' They'll never fit, but you'll burn 250 calories trying to get into them.'

'Ever thought of having the place re-carpeted?'

'This scent goes well with a diamond necklace.'

"More concealer?"

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

'I'd like to return this shredder.'

'I applied the instant rebate and the returning customer loyalty reward, so that comes to fifty cents.'

Your call is important to us...

"Wall to wall carpet. Shouldn't that be wall to wall to wall to wall carpet?"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

Black Friday

"There's nothing like new carpeting to freshen up a place, I say."

Buy 1 Get 1 Free. Buy 2 You're Stupid.

The car showroom

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

"C'mon in - there's an extra 10% off for being our very first customer."

Sale today - 50% off everything!

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

Excess