Mathematical Mischief Pillows

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

Artist gets pooped on by lots of birds.

'It's 10pm, does anyone know how much the U.S. dollar is worth?'

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

'Little Nurse' daughter trying to distract Daddy so he cuts himself shaving

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

'I could have sworn it was the cavalry!!'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'According to the previous exercise's logic, this time the result must be six.'

Maths Fail

"My math teacher says I should consider becoming a teacher some day."

'What are you complaining about...they told you this was MINOR surgery!'

"Do I make you nervous, young man?"

'It wasn't an easy decision for me to make. Lots of coin tossing went into it.'

'I was...wong about that stock. I was wonk about that stock. I was wrung about that stock. I was...wronk about that stock. I was...'

I'm a 10.5. What, litres?

'I can't play any tunes, it's just used for hiding my farts after dinner.'

"By the way, your insurance doesn't cover these tests...JUST KIDDING! That was the stress test."

"I should've never taught you to shake."

Those bubble wrap kids.

"The numbers just don't add up."

Burnt Turkey

'I keep getting leadership mixed up with incitement.'

'Throw Your Money Down a Rathole' vending machine.

'I don't think this is how we draw them to see who goes first.'

"Welcome to the walk-in clinic. The special is cholesterol screening and the catch of the day is whooping cough."

'Remember when you lent me money and I said I'd never forget you? Well, I'm broke again.'

'This case has taken a strange twist -- it turns out that my nurse is allergic to you.'