Mathematical Mischief Gifts

14! What does that mean? We started the day with 100 pastries. We sold 85. There should be 15 left. But there are only 14. Overreaction coming. STOLEN SCONE!!! Breathe.

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

Artist gets pooped on by lots of birds.

'It's 10pm, does anyone know how much the U.S. dollar is worth?'

'Little Nurse' daughter trying to distract Daddy so he cuts himself shaving

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

'I could have sworn it was the cavalry!!'

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'According to the previous exercise's logic, this time the result must be six.'

Maths Fail

'What are you complaining about...they told you this was MINOR surgery!'

"My math teacher says I should consider becoming a teacher some day."

"Do I make you nervous, young man?"

'It wasn't an easy decision for me to make. Lots of coin tossing went into it.'

I'm a 10.5. What, litres?

'I was...wong about that stock. I was wonk about that stock. I was wrung about that stock. I was...wronk about that stock. I was...'

'I can't play any tunes, it's just used for hiding my farts after dinner.'

"By the way, your insurance doesn't cover these tests...JUST KIDDING! That was the stress test."

Burnt Turkey

"I should've never taught you to shake."

'I keep getting leadership mixed up with incitement.'

"The numbers just don't add up."

Those bubble wrap kids.

'Throw Your Money Down a Rathole' vending machine.

'I don't think this is how we draw them to see who goes first.'

"Welcome to the walk-in clinic. The special is cholesterol screening and the catch of the day is whooping cough."

'Remember when you lent me money and I said I'd never forget you? Well, I'm broke again.'

'This case has taken a strange twist -- it turns out that my nurse is allergic to you.'

Nope, not what I thought you meant by "piano bar."

'Sorry, Roger. I never know when my restless leg syndrome is going to act up.'