Money-minded Mischief Maker Gifts

"First, you told me you gave up robbing banks. Second, as your accountant, you might want to omit that income."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Bad dog."

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'How was your day Ma?. . .'

Child jumping on a table-tennis table.

Artist gets pooped on by lots of birds.

It's sure been easier to mess around at work since we decided to bell the boss.

'It's 10pm, does anyone know how much the U.S. dollar is worth?'

"Looks like we left out the wrong brownies."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

'I'm sorry, I laughed when I saw you in spite of myself!'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'All right, who broketh the window!'

"What about this: we steal from the rich and give it to political action committees?"

'I got 50p - how much did you get?'

'Give me a mortgage!...'

'If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.'

Oh, confound it, I was in landscape mode.

"Just think, in dog years we'd be old enough to know better!"

"Do not feel bad - violence is acceptable when the purpose of the toy is its own destruction."

"No, no, no! My old 45 records do not belong in the craft box!"

'Grandma says she has the perfect wrestler nickname for me. What does Tiny Terror mean?'

"As you can see, we allowed you to bring your cell phones; however, this is hell, so even local calls will be charged as roaming."

'Norman, why is it you're the one who always gets detention.'

"Whoopsie! I accidentally speed dialed the stripper cops instead of the real cops."

By the way, my foot's asleep. So, I guess an unscrupulous woman who wanted to play footsie with me could pretty much get away with murder right now. !

"So where's the baby cheeses we heard so much about?"

'What do you mean overdraft? I still have 12 cheques left. '

'I just got off the phone with your teacher. Next time you tell her you're from a 'broken home' don't forget to mention who broke most of it!'