Math-infused Swimming Enthusiasts Pillows

An abacus swimming pool

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

Lemniskate

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

Lapdogs

'The swimmers line up for this, the final heat, and surprise, surprise, It's the dog paddle.'

No petting in the pool!

'Yes, this is the deep end.'

'There must be some mistake. According to our actuary tables I'm going to live to 83.'

"Well, some of us were synchronized."

Calculator Jokes

Motor Channel Crossing.

'Four million years and an amphibian crammed ashore and developed into homosapiens so I see no point whatsover to go back!'

Thank you for not drowning.

'Not that sort of pool party.'

'I hope you don't think I invited you swimming just because you have a couple of webbed toes.'

"Ignore that sign. It's okay."

'I always thought he was in great shape. I mean he swam constantly.'

"I rescue swimmers. He rescues phones dropped by swimmers."

'I can't figure it out. I swim all day and I can't lose weight.'

"God, if you get me back to shore, I'll give you everything I own. Okay, fifty percent of everything. How about ten percent plus community work..."

"Am I going to be cold when I get out?"

"OK...this is not gonna work."

You Lie!

NO skinny dipping

Never swim on a full stomach...

'I don't know... it's kind of a wet dog smell.'

"I'd go swimming if there was a way to use my phone while under water."

'Impressive certificate. Thanks, that's for the 100 metres backstroke.'