Swim-sational Mathematicians Pillows

An abacus swimming pool

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

Sophocles Playwriting School. Euclid and Aphrodite are writing their play together. It must be a love triangle.

"I didn't have enough fingers. I had to use a couple of toes."

Lapdogs

John von Neumann, after completing his book. 'Theory of Self-Replicating Automata'.

Mathematics.

"I don't really have a favourite. I love you both equally."

'Yes, this is the deep end.'

Mathematician listens to a 'PiPod'

"I don't think he's wearing that snorkel because he wants to swim with us. Especially, since it's lunch time."

"Darling, you complete me!"

Calculator Jokes

Motor Channel Crossing.

Prophets are up.

"They were apparently more advanced than we thought."

Lottery Here. Don't you know the lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math? Yes, but we're hoping for a huge tax refund.

"Ignore that sign. It's okay."

Things equal to the same thing are equal to each other. That's "Euclid." Some of us call him "Mister Obvious."

'I always thought he was in great shape. I mean he swam constantly.'

Why parallel lines never meet.

"I rescue swimmers. He rescues phones dropped by swimmers."

"OK...this is not gonna work."

You Lie!

90% of Mel lies beneath the surface

'Our eggs should stay nice and warm in the hot sand: Let's go for a swim...'

'Come on in. The water's refined.'

'I think Euclid is getting carried away with his work.'

'Impressive certificate. Thanks, that's for the 100 metres backstroke.'

'The secret of my success? Well, I assume swimming freestyle gives me an advantage...'