Swim-sational Mathematicians Pillows

An abacus swimming pool

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"I didn't have enough fingers. I had to use a couple of toes."

Lapdogs

John von Neumann, after completing his book. 'Theory of Self-Replicating Automata'.

Mathematics.

"I don't really have a favourite. I love you both equally."

'Yes, this is the deep end.'

"I don't think he's wearing that snorkel because he wants to swim with us. Especially, since it's lunch time."

"Darling, you complete me!"

Motor Channel Crossing.

Calculator Jokes

Prophets are up.

"Ignore that sign. It's okay."

"They were apparently more advanced than we thought."

'I always thought he was in great shape. I mean he swam constantly.'

"I rescue swimmers. He rescues phones dropped by swimmers."

You Lie!

"OK...this is not gonna work."

'Come on in. The water's refined.'

'Impressive certificate. Thanks, that's for the 100 metres backstroke.'

'I think Euclid is getting carried away with his work.'

"I'm sorry, but you do not qualify for the home office credit."

'Our eggs should stay nice and warm in the hot sand: Let's go for a swim...'

'The secret of my success? Well, I assume swimming freestyle gives me an advantage...'

90% of Mel lies beneath the surface