Masterpiece Mocker Gifts

"This is a piece of crap."

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

The Adventures of God

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

Raphael

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

"The beatings will continue until the morale improves!"

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

Masterpiece?

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

"But is it art?"

"When Van Gogh had insomnia he created masterpieces."

Mountain escalator.

A Dummy Corporation.

"I like your paperweight, Watkins..."

"No, wait. I always get this mixed up. The manet was five point nine. The Monet was three flat."

"You want to know what kind of criticism of Israeli politics I consider anti-semitic?"

Christo's greatest challenge.

Earplugs £2 a Pair

'This is the museum's vault of 'Mislaid Masterpieces' which we 'come across quite by chance' from time to time.'

"I wish I could do hands..."

"You're right, it does play with light and shadow while upending conventions of abstraction, but you're still under arrest."

'How much longer.'

"This would look great on out wall. . . when it's finished!"

"So help me, Henderson, if you sing 'Row Row Row Your Boat' one more time..."

'The cross doesn't affect him. Let's try with a Star of David.'

Severe Food Criticism.

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

'Hmm...needs refining.'

"I could see finding him a cool guy if I wasn't married to him."

Freak Show

'Hello, Mr Busino. I understand you're suffering from some drug side effects.'