Medical Mocker Gifts

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

The Adventures of God

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'If I don't chew this, my S.A.T. scores will skyrocket.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

"The beatings will continue until the morale improves!"

'Every man has his price, Peterson. I've decided yours is £2.75.'

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

Mismanagement Consultant.

'I hereby sentence you to 15 months in doctors' waiting rooms!'

"Well, I guess that old saying really is true: the squeaky wheel gets the grease!"

Mountain escalator.

'Please, sir -- I appeal to your common humanity!'

"I like your paperweight, Watkins..."

Earplugs £2 a Pair

'Of course we're making a lot of mistakes - this is a dummy corporation.'

Fishermen catch a fish paint a 'No Fishing' sign.

"My wife says I bore people to death."

Arrogant OAP.

"Just you wait until this firing freeze is over!"

Memo to all departments: NO!

"So, that's an extra - large pizza, burger, fries, a large milkshake and an echocardiogram..."

"So help me, Henderson, if you sing 'Row Row Row Your Boat' one more time..."

'The cross doesn't affect him. Let's try with a Star of David.'

'When you've seen one criminally violent, sex-filed horror play, you've seen the lot, I always say.'

'The reality is, if you should go on one of those shows, I doubt that TV viewers would accept you any better than I do!'

'Hmm...needs refining.'

'Hello, Mr Busino. I understand you're suffering from some drug side effects.'

Yoga Trash Talk

'You can't fire me. I fired you.'

'We've called in a team of specialists to discuss how to pronounce your disease.'