Death Mocker Gifts

Arrogant OAP.

The Adventures of God

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'If I don't chew this, my S.A.T. scores will skyrocket.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

The Nihilist Deli.

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

'Every man has his price, Peterson. I've decided yours is £2.75.'

"The beatings will continue until the morale improves!"

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

Mismanagement Consultant.

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

Mountain escalator.

'How much is that yuppy in the window?'

"I like your paperweight, Watkins..."

Earplugs £2 a Pair

'Please, sir -- I appeal to your common humanity!'

'Of course we're making a lot of mistakes - this is a dummy corporation.'

Fishermen catch a fish paint a 'No Fishing' sign.

"Just you wait until this firing freeze is over!"

"My wife says I bore people to death."

'For better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until you wish you were dead?'

"I wouldn't usually say, 'she's always copying me' is grounds for divorce."

Memo to all departments: NO!

"If marriage is so great how come you never hear about simulated marriage?"

"So help me, Henderson, if you sing 'Row Row Row Your Boat' one more time..."

'The cross doesn't affect him. Let's try with a Star of David.'

"My Mother was right. She told me when I was eighteen, that if I married him it wouldnt last!"

'Hmm...needs refining.'

'The reality is, if you should go on one of those shows, I doubt that TV viewers would accept you any better than I do!'

Freak Show

'When you've seen one criminally violent, sex-filed horror play, you've seen the lot, I always say.'