Death Mocker Gifts

Arrogant OAP.

The Adventures of God

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'If I don't chew this, my S.A.T. scores will skyrocket.'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

The Nihilist Deli.

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

'Every man has his price, Peterson. I've decided yours is £2.75.'

"The beatings will continue until the morale improves!"

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

Mismanagement Consultant.

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

Mountain escalator.

'How much is that yuppy in the window?'

'Please, sir -- I appeal to your common humanity!'

"I like your paperweight, Watkins..."

'Of course we're making a lot of mistakes - this is a dummy corporation.'

Earplugs £2 a Pair

Fishermen catch a fish paint a 'No Fishing' sign.

"I wouldn't usually say, 'she's always copying me' is grounds for divorce."

"My wife says I bore people to death."

'For better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until you wish you were dead?'

"Just you wait until this firing freeze is over!"

Memo to all departments: NO!

'The cross doesn't affect him. Let's try with a Star of David.'

"So help me, Henderson, if you sing 'Row Row Row Your Boat' one more time..."

"If marriage is so great how come you never hear about simulated marriage?"

Of all the days to sleep in!

'Hmm...needs refining.'

"My Mother was right. She told me when I was eighteen, that if I married him it wouldnt last!"

Freak Show

'The reality is, if you should go on one of those shows, I doubt that TV viewers would accept you any better than I do!'