Marriage Mocker Gifts

"I wouldn't usually say, 'she's always copying me' is grounds for divorce."

"My Mother was right. She told me when I was eighteen, that if I married him it wouldnt last!"

'How much is that yuppy in the window?'

'For better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until you wish you were dead?'

"He's a model husband...but not a working model."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

The Nihilist Deli.

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

"Well, I guess that old saying really is true: the squeaky wheel gets the grease!"

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

Earplugs £2 a Pair

"I like your paperweight, Watkins..."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, with no chance of parole.'

Fishermen catch a fish paint a 'No Fishing' sign.

Arrogant OAP.

'I don't have any trouble keeping my weight down — I married an appetite suppressant.'

'If you can't get a doctor, dear, at least try to marry a quack.'

"If marriage is so great how come you never hear about simulated marriage?"

'The cross doesn't affect him. Let's try with a Star of David.'

"So help me, Henderson, if you sing 'Row Row Row Your Boat' one more time..."

"Can I bring my Wife?"

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

Freak Show

'The reality is, if you should go on one of those shows, I doubt that TV viewers would accept you any better than I do!'

'Hmm...needs refining.'

'You owe us on the loan we made to you to get married.' - 'Why don't you repossess my wife?'

'Hello, Mr Busino. I understand you're suffering from some drug side effects.'

'I'm sorry, but I just think our lifelong friendship was built on being next to each other alphabetically, and now that I've married, well...'

Under new management.

Yoga Trash Talk

"I'd like to alter my vows...I want to say 'Til death, or a better prospect comes along, do we part."

'Ugly? Her face makes the missionary position impossible!'

"Due to a technical fault I shall not be making love this evening."