Monday Mocker Gifts

"I like your paperweight, Watkins..."

"Down here every day is Monday."

'If I don't chew this, my S.A.T. scores will skyrocket.'

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

"The beatings will continue until the morale improves!"

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

But MOM! It's no fair being sick on a Saturday! Can't I take a rain check and be sick on Monday?

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

'Sleeping through Monday is the coward's way out!'

"Well, I guess that old saying really is true: the squeaky wheel gets the grease!"

Mountain escalator.

Earplugs £2 a Pair

'How much is that yuppy in the window?'

"Tuesday mornings don't get enough respect. They should be hated just as much as Monday mornings."

"I went so quickly from hating Mondays to hating days."

"My wife says I bore people to death."

'For better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until you wish you were dead?'

"I wouldn't usually say, 'she's always copying me' is grounds for divorce."

'Motivational poster,'

"It's Monday."

"So help me, Henderson, if you sing 'Row Row Row Your Boat' one more time..."

"If marriage is so great how come you never hear about simulated marriage?"

'The cross doesn't affect him. Let's try with a Star of David.'

"The first day back is always the worst."

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

'I hate Mondays!'

"My Mother was right. She told me when I was eighteen, that if I married him it wouldnt last!"

'Hmm...needs refining.'

'When you've seen one criminally violent, sex-filed horror play, you've seen the lot, I always say.'

'The reality is, if you should go on one of those shows, I doubt that TV viewers would accept you any better than I do!'

Freak Show

'Hello, Mr Busino. I understand you're suffering from some drug side effects.'

Yoga Trash Talk

'You can't fire me. I fired you.'

Jesus' bones.