Therapy Mocker Gifts

"My wife says I bore people to death."

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'If I don't chew this, my S.A.T. scores will skyrocket.'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

'Every man has his price, Peterson. I've decided yours is £2.75.'

"The beatings will continue until the morale improves!"

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

Mismanagement Consultant.

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

"Well, I guess that old saying really is true: the squeaky wheel gets the grease!"

Mountain escalator.

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

'Of course we're making a lot of mistakes - this is a dummy corporation.'

Running in please pass

'Please, sir -- I appeal to your common humanity!'

Earplugs £2 a Pair

"I like your paperweight, Watkins..."

Fishermen catch a fish paint a 'No Fishing' sign.

"Just you wait until this firing freeze is over!"

Arrogant OAP.

Memo to all departments: NO!

'Motivational poster,'

"So help me, Henderson, if you sing 'Row Row Row Your Boat' one more time..."

'The cross doesn't affect him. Let's try with a Star of David.'

Of all the days to sleep in!

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

'Hmm...needs refining.'

Freak Show

'The reality is, if you should go on one of those shows, I doubt that TV viewers would accept you any better than I do!'

'Hello, Mr Busino. I understand you're suffering from some drug side effects.'

Yoga Trash Talk