Sat Mocker Gifts

'If I don't chew this, my S.A.T. scores will skyrocket.'

The Adventures of God

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

"The beatings will continue until the morale improves!"

'Every man has his price, Peterson. I've decided yours is £2.75.'

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

Mismanagement Consultant.

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

"Well, I guess that old saying really is true: the squeaky wheel gets the grease!"

Mountain escalator.

'Please, sir -- I appeal to your common humanity!'

'Of course we're making a lot of mistakes - this is a dummy corporation.'

"I like your paperweight, Watkins..."

Earplugs £2 a Pair

Fishermen catch a fish paint a 'No Fishing' sign.

Memo to all departments: NO!

Arrogant OAP.

"Just you wait until this firing freeze is over!"

"My wife says I bore people to death."

'The cross doesn't affect him. Let's try with a Star of David.'

"So help me, Henderson, if you sing 'Row Row Row Your Boat' one more time..."

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

'Leave me the figures on my voicemail... I never check it.'

'When you've seen one criminally violent, sex-filed horror play, you've seen the lot, I always say.'

'The reality is, if you should go on one of those shows, I doubt that TV viewers would accept you any better than I do!'

'Hmm...needs refining.'

'Hello, Mr Busino. I understand you're suffering from some drug side effects.'

'You can't fire me. I fired you.'

Jesus' bones.

Hague Convention Defied! Repelling an Assault of Flu Germs