Marriage Mockers Gifts

Under new management.

"I'd like to alter my vows...I want to say 'Til death, or a better prospect comes along, do we part."

Einstein's T-Shirt reads: My Wife Doesn't Understand Me.

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'I'm sorry, Ralph, but you're going to have to move out - Prissy's allergy to your dandruff is getting worse.'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

Sorry, I'm already spoken for.

"This next tune is dedicated to my wife, who is currently away on a cruise. I call it, 'The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea'."

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

We need to keep him a few days, but we can loan you a courtesy husband until he's ready to go home.

"You call that worrying?"

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."