Marriage Mockers T-Shirts

Under new management.

"I'd like to alter my vows...I want to say 'Til death, or a better prospect comes along, do we part."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

'I'm sorry, Ralph, but you're going to have to move out - Prissy's allergy to your dandruff is getting worse.'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

"You call that worrying?"

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '