Mockery Master Gifts

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"You want to know what kind of criticism of Israeli politics I consider anti-semitic?"

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

So you're a mocking bird...

Moo Out Loud

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

When you said the cat was hacking down here, I assumed you meant a hairball.

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"Fellow graduates, when I look at you, I see future princesses, ninjas, wizards, superheroes, and zombies."

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"It drives me MAD when people act as though we've nothing to do except write moronic memorandum."

Custard pie ejects from book - 'How to be a clown'

'She must be good at mixing cement - She's been making rock cakes for years.'

Buzzfeed does The Bible: 10 commandments that will blow your mind.

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. Lol. Winky face."

"Apparently Wilbur hasn't gotten that raise. He's still hamming it up for the boss."

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

(Singing) 'Doctor, what's wrong with me?' 'Staff in-fec-tion.'

'Always the wise guy.'

'Well, according to this website, the internet no longer exists!'

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

'Am I on your good Facebook friend list, or on your bad Facebook friend list?'

Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough...

21st Century Malaise-Attention-Seeking-Disorder

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

'Maybe the first couple of times, but believe me, the 'Are you following my Tweets' is no longer funny.'

"Any missed assignments can be excused only with a note from your internet service provider."

"He's surprisingly sensitive about heckling."