Mockery Aficionado Gifts

"Well, the president of the ethics committee is in jail and his deputy is binge drinking with three prostitutes. Do you want to leave a message?"

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"Apparently Wilbur hasn't gotten that raise. He's still hamming it up for the boss."

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"

New Silk Road,

"It was a gift from god."

"Fenwick, do you see any mistletoe on my coattail?"

"You want to know what kind of criticism of Israeli politics I consider anti-semitic?"

'Nothing much happened in the Middle East today.... Ha! -- Just kidding.'

"And make sure you give me a paper straw... gotta do my bit for the planet."

"The world isn't ready for a book like this. How would you feel about publishing it posthumously?"

Ask a Silly Question, Get A Silly Answer

Doomsdayer waves sign saying 'The world isn't going to end, it's just going to suck'.

'We're making the package 10% smaller.'

The Prozac Story: 'It's a feel-good movie.'

Boris Hulk

Two Years into a Trump Presidency...

"Somehow these awards are seeming less special."

'True but only in practice, not in principle.'

"I believe they're a debt collection agency."

"Two out of three."

'Your experience is nil, qualifications lacking, references horrible, and you fulfill MY need for job security perfectly...YOU'RE HIRED!'

"I think you're taking the Prime Ministers blatant lies out of context."

"Everybody's noticed a change in you, Boss... the flowers, your thoughtful acts of kindness, words of encouragement, and all those hush-hush personal phone calls... YOU RASCAL! You're under investigation again, aren't you?"