Mockery Maestro Gifts

I got you a 20th anniversary present. An iPhone charger? An actual, real gift? What's the catch? House of Java Cybercafe. No catch. For the last 20 years, you've been the best whipping boy I've ever had. You're a complete tool of the technology industry. You've been a real pleasure to mock. In fact, the last 20 years of making fun of your pathetic life has made this two rewarding decades. Plug back in, whipping boy! I will outlast you, smelly old bat!

Trash Talking 101

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Textin’"

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

Twitter censorship

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

Charles Addams.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

Children playing in the street

"Apparently Wilbur hasn't gotten that raise. He's still hamming it up for the boss."

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

Edgar Allan Poe

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

Well you know what they say - here today gone tomorrow - or in the case of dotcoms, here today gone shortly after lunch.

This isn't a good time to see him --- He just got outbid for a soul on eBay. Beelzebub.

I stamped out smiley faces in your handwritten memos, and by George, I'll do the same with emoticons in your emails!

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

Surgical intervention on Emoticons

'My Death Story....chapter one...'

Bach in a Hot Tub!

"Some 'King'. They didn't even give me an N95."

Adam with a selfie stick

A Dummy Corporation.

Questioning

"Well, the president of the ethics committee is in jail and his deputy is binge drinking with three prostitutes. Do you want to leave a message?"

"You want to know what kind of criticism of Israeli politics I consider anti-semitic?"

Book and magician

Air catarrh.

Dara O' Briain

Computer Technology 101 - Gone Phishing.

"Because of your age, I'm going to recommend doing nothing."