Joke Maestro Gifts

Man walking into fake Convenience store

Dara O' Briain

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

"Textin’"

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

Moo Out Loud

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

Twitter censorship

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

When you said the cat was hacking down here, I assumed you meant a hairball.

A crab with a utility knife claw

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"It drives me MAD when people act as though we've nothing to do except write moronic memorandum."

Custard pie ejects from book - 'How to be a clown'

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

'She must be good at mixing cement - She's been making rock cakes for years.'

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. Lol. Winky face."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

Buzzfeed does The Bible: 10 commandments that will blow your mind.

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

(Singing) 'Doctor, what's wrong with me?' 'Staff in-fec-tion.'

Well you know what they say - here today gone tomorrow - or in the case of dotcoms, here today gone shortly after lunch.