Joking Maestro Gifts

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

Orchestra.

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

"Textin’"

'Come out with your fins up!'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

Twitter censorship

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

Custard pie ejects from book - 'How to be a clown'

'She must be good at mixing cement - She's been making rock cakes for years.'

Children playing in the street

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

(Singing) 'Doctor, what's wrong with me?' 'Staff in-fec-tion.'

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

Well you know what they say - here today gone tomorrow - or in the case of dotcoms, here today gone shortly after lunch.

I stamped out smiley faces in your handwritten memos, and by George, I'll do the same with emoticons in your emails!

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

'Always the wise guy.'

'Lift off, we have lift off...'

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

This isn't a good time to see him --- He just got outbid for a soul on eBay. Beelzebub.

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"He's surprisingly sensitive about heckling."

Surgical intervention on Emoticons

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'