Memoir Mocker Gifts

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

The Nihilist Deli.

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

"Well, I guess that old saying really is true: the squeaky wheel gets the grease!"

Mountain escalator.

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

"I like your paperweight, Watkins..."

Earplugs £2 a Pair

'How much is that yuppy in the window?'

Fishermen catch a fish paint a 'No Fishing' sign.

"My wife says I bore people to death."

"I wouldn't usually say, 'she's always copying me' is grounds for divorce."

'For better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until you wish you were dead?'

'Motivational poster,'

"So help me, Henderson, if you sing 'Row Row Row Your Boat' one more time..."

'The cross doesn't affect him. Let's try with a Star of David.'

Freak Show

"My Mother was right. She told me when I was eighteen, that if I married him it wouldnt last!"

"This is a piece of crap."

'Hmm...needs refining.'

'The reality is, if you should go on one of those shows, I doubt that TV viewers would accept you any better than I do!'

'When you've seen one criminally violent, sex-filed horror play, you've seen the lot, I always say.'

'Hello, Mr Busino. I understand you're suffering from some drug side effects.'

Yoga Trash Talk

Jesus' bones.

Northerners see a fashionable stranger and suggest throwing a brick at him

"Down here every day is Monday."

"He's a model husband...but not a working model."

The movie is so bad the server recommends ventilation.

No smoking sign in hell.

All Nude Dogs.