Master Of Resumes Gifts

'It's a little chilly in here. Throw another batch of resumes we have on file in the fire.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"Its my letter of resignation. I also turned it into a memoir."

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"You look a lot better on paper than you do online."

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

'... No, you're not on the short list. You're not even on the long list.'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"I think you left something of your resumé... writer of fiction!"

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

'I see that you have a B.A. degree in collating and stapling. Your parents must be very proud.'

'This is a very impressive resume. Did you pad it yourself.'

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

'Your resume certainly includes a lot of UFO abductions....'

'I'm hiring a football equipment manager to add some padding to my résumé.'

'Your career is a change management textbook.'

"There appears to be some discrepancies between your C.V. and your Wikipedia entry."

"Sorry, but you're overqualified."

"He may only be three years old, but he has 21 years of tech experience."