Master Of Memoirs Gifts

"Its my letter of resignation. I also turned it into a memoir."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

Display of political memoirs books categorized as: 'Non-fiction,' 'Fiction,' and 'Pure Fantasy'.

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

I'm currently working on my autobiography. Would you care to help make page 327 interesting?

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Editor.

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

Man with post it note

Fifty Shades of Gray

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'He tells me there's one chapter of his memoir titled, 'My Likeable Master'.'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

Memoirs: Fiction/Non Fiction.

'I apologize for sending out the meeting memo late. Let me summarize by saying that the entire board is being replaced starting tomorrow.'

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

'Oh, I'm just writing a tender memoir or my long ago affair with J.F.K...it's filled with pathos and sad wishful longing...'

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

"You think this is bad? Did I ever tell you about the time. . ."

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"They called me Dumbo. A memoir of redemption."

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

"I'll give you a cookie if you promise to paint me as a pillar among women in your future memoir."

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

'You understand, of course, that my memoirs must be written in ELITE type.'

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'