Memoir Maestro Gifts

"Bob’s just finishing the last chapter of his unauthorized autobiography."

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

'How are the memoirs coming along?'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

Nathaniel Hawthorne

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

"The meeting will come to order."

What can I do? He says it's his thinking cap.

"I need to see your budget proposal."

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"Dammit, Johnson. You've got to start thinking outside of the box."

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."