Massage Therapists Gifts

'Sure, it's an improvement. But I guess we'll need to get to the airport a lot earlier from now on...'

Spa

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Woman pouring perfume into her bath.

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Hot Pie Therapy

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

'When are you going to learn to relax?'

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

Planned service changes

'Mom's Spa'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

The Tragedy of Prosperity

Ultimately, the teachers union agreed to a lesser pay increase in exchange for a full-time massage therapist in the faculty lounge.

What're you doing today, Darlene? Power relaxing. 9 to 10:15 I'm reading the paper. 10:20 to 11:30 I'm getting my nails done while reading Catch 22 for my books club. 11:45 to 1, I'm eating lunch, catching up on calls, paying bills then kicking back on the couch from 1 to 1:15. The afternoon is sheer bliss. Yoga from 2-3, Pilates from 3-4, massage from 4-5, meditation 5-6. Now move. Please now! You're interfering with my relaxing. How the type-A spend their Sundays. 10:02, bathroom break. Everyo

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

'I also offer massage therapy.'

Complete Makeover

"You're incredibly tight."

'My hair is so bad I have to cut it myself. I tried going to a hair salon once - they just yelled at it.'

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

Deep tissue massage.

'Slices Mandy! Just slices!'

'Why is the jacuzzi full of grapes?'

Couples Massage

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

'Who did you have lick your hair?'

"Apricot pit?! Are you kidding, Mister? This stuff knocks raw avocado and almond nut outta the water!!!"

"Mrs. Barnes is to have a complete head-to-toe – she's to be the victim in a bandage-instruction class."