Massaging Gifts

'You're very tense today.'

"Oops, sorry! I thought I was at my other job as pizza chef!"

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Hot Pie Therapy

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

'When are you going to learn to relax?'

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

Planned service changes

'Mom's Spa'

Ultimately, the teachers union agreed to a lesser pay increase in exchange for a full-time massage therapist in the faculty lounge.

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

What're you doing today, Darlene? Power relaxing. 9 to 10:15 I'm reading the paper. 10:20 to 11:30 I'm getting my nails done while reading Catch 22 for my books club. 11:45 to 1, I'm eating lunch, catching up on calls, paying bills then kicking back on the couch from 1 to 1:15. The afternoon is sheer bliss. Yoga from 2-3, Pilates from 3-4, massage from 4-5, meditation 5-6. Now move. Please now! You're interfering with my relaxing. How the type-A spend their Sundays. 10:02, bathroom break. Everyo

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

'I also offer massage therapy.'

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

Deep tissue massage.

Couples Massage

"Shoulder work ahead"

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

"You're carrying a lot of pretension in your back."

Massage parlour offering therapeutic, Swedish, and ego massages.

"That feels good...now scratch a little to the left."

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

Foot Massage

Toe-Tickling Machine

Planned service changes

Perhaps a ceasefire is in order. Terms? I will agree not to pummel you for forgetting our anniversary. You will refrain from pursuing the possibility that I, too, have forgotten it. You will, furthermore, massage my feet in penance for denying me a reason to yell at you. Non-negotiable! Got off easy.

Chair massages.

'My personal trainer, massage therapists, hair stylist and chef.'

Slept on the plane and now in horrible pain?

'Sorry I'm late - I stopped off for a beer and a back rub.'