Massage Therapy Gifts

Sigmund Freud, Massage Therapist

"O.K., I'm ready—you can come in now."

Slept on the plane and now in horrible pain?

Free neck massages.

'This is the place I was telling you about.'

"You know, I really can't help you if you're going to be so shy!"

Massage therapist inadvertently beats up client.

"Honey, this Pierre. He's from Masseurs San Forntieres."

Rare Exceptions: The Straw that became a massage therapist dedicated to treating chronic back pain in camels...

"Judging by your tan I can see you play golf too."

"Jane's a physio, she massages the patients. Paul's from finance, he massages the accounts."

"Sorry, I double-booked. This wouldn't happen if I had a computer - but they insist we do everything by hand."

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupunture needles should go?"

"My goodness, your back is really knotted up this morning, isn't it?"

"First visit to a massage therapist?"

Spa

Woman pouring perfume into her bath.

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Hot Pie Therapy

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

'When are you going to learn to relax?'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

'Mom's Spa'

Planned service changes

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

Ultimately, the teachers union agreed to a lesser pay increase in exchange for a full-time massage therapist in the faculty lounge.

What're you doing today, Darlene? Power relaxing. 9 to 10:15 I'm reading the paper. 10:20 to 11:30 I'm getting my nails done while reading Catch 22 for my books club. 11:45 to 1, I'm eating lunch, catching up on calls, paying bills then kicking back on the couch from 1 to 1:15. The afternoon is sheer bliss. Yoga from 2-3, Pilates from 3-4, massage from 4-5, meditation 5-6. Now move. Please now! You're interfering with my relaxing. How the type-A spend their Sundays. 10:02, bathroom break. Everyo

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

"You're incredibly tight."

'I also offer massage therapy.'