Massage Master Gifts

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

Face painting.

"It's days like this that make me long for days like this."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

'When are you going to learn to relax?'

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"I figured my stress ball should match the size of my anxiety."

Planned service changes

How the goat got square eyes.

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'This is my natural habitat.'

Important Muscles.

"Holy hell. I should not have based my whole personality around this..."

'Hey! Make sure those boots are muddy before you set foot in here,mister! Took me all morning to get this place filthy!'

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

Relaxing on a sofa

'I also offer massage therapy.'

'I told you we should have gone wireless.'

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

"... and come out fighting, boys."

'I didn't want to get the napkin messy.'