Massage Master Gifts

Slept on the plane and now in horrible pain?

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

Face painting.

"It's days like this that make me long for days like this."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Hot Pie Therapy

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

'When are you going to learn to relax?'

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

"I figured my stress ball should match the size of my anxiety."

Planned service changes

How the goat got square eyes.

Gym. Weight Room. This must be sculpting my body --- All my muscles feel like putty.

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

Ultimately, the teachers union agreed to a lesser pay increase in exchange for a full-time massage therapist in the faculty lounge.

Important Muscles.

'Happy now?'

'This is my natural habitat.'

'Hey! Make sure those boots are muddy before you set foot in here,mister! Took me all morning to get this place filthy!'

'I told you we should have gone wireless.'

'I also offer massage therapy.'

Relaxing on a sofa

'I didn't want to get the napkin messy.'

"Holy hell. I should not have based my whole personality around this..."

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'