Muscle Massage Enthusiast Gifts

'I hate it when I'm on her lap, and she has a leg cramp!'

Powerful Love.

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Hot Pie Therapy

Biceps, muscles and brawn

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

"How long have you lived in this gym?"

'Yes, I do a lot of rowing. How could you tell?'

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

'When are you going to learn to relax?'

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

Planned service changes

Basic training w/ GI Joe, Rambo, Bruce Lee, etc.

Ultimately, the teachers union agreed to a lesser pay increase in exchange for a full-time massage therapist in the faculty lounge.

The size of a man's upper body is directly proportional to the number of unresolved issues in his head.

'I also offer massage therapy.'

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

Deep tissue massage.

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

Couples Massage

Joe's Gym: 'Can anyone here open this jar of pickles!?'

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

Sadie, the way you objectify football players is unconscionable. It's what? All you talk about are their muscles, square jaws, animal intensity. Ooh. What? I live it when you get all puffed up and macho and tough. And what biceps. Much better. Well played. Girl does what she's got to.

"Shoulder work ahead"

"His prose is so muscular."

A muscle pushing a body builders brain out of his skull.

A doctor calls a body builder to perform a patella tap test on a large patient.

"You're carrying a lot of pretension in your back."

'It's me, Santa... I've had work done.'

"That feels good...now scratch a little to the left."

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'