Massage Aficionado Gifts

"I'm afraid the niceties of our underwater massage must remain a trade secret."

'If I was any more relaxed, I could host a NPR program.'

"That feels good...now scratch a little to the left."

'This is the place I was telling you about.'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

Massage? Phone Suzy written on hand towel

'Oh, you're so tense, you must have a lot of stress in your job.' 'No ma'am, that's just my saddle.'

'I also offer massage therapy.'

"I hear you've been rubbing the customers up the wrong way. . ."

"I can't wait for vacation - I'm going to go sun myself in a south-facing window."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"I'm just saying. This would be even MORE romantic if we couldn't see in the dark."

'Now try and relax - we're on holiday!'

Mantis Love

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

The Snooze Bar.

A Manicure

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

"How long were you in that headstand?"

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

Happy Retirement

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

"I want to work from home!"

'I can remember when no one had even heard of t'ai chi.'

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

"Noooooooooooo!"

'Some blue-arsed fly you turned out to be.'

Father Christmas with a psychiatrist during summer

The Common Sutra.

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

'Don't get me wrong. I like the hugs, but I could really use a kiss once in a while.'

'I'm developing a foot fetish.'