Massage Aficionados Gifts

'Sure, it's an improvement. But I guess we'll need to get to the airport a lot earlier from now on...'

The end of summer is near and you still haven't made plans

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

Shaggy dog/Shaggy Owner.

America Off-line.

This Year's Spa

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

'I also offer massage therapy.'

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

'You do a fine job guarding the place, we just need you to shed less.'

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

Couples Massage

"I still say you're spoiling that dog!"

"Shoulder work ahead"

The Manicure.

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

I just want to look natural. You know, like a movie star.

Massage parlour offering therapeutic, Swedish, and ego massages.

"That feels good...now scratch a little to the left."

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

Perhaps a ceasefire is in order. Terms? I will agree not to pummel you for forgetting our anniversary. You will refrain from pursuing the possibility that I, too, have forgotten it. You will, furthermore, massage my feet in penance for denying me a reason to yell at you. Non-negotiable! Got off easy.

Toe-Tickling Machine

Chair massages.

To compensate for the stress of news broadcasts, Tina's TV came with a built-in massage system.

"I'm glad you're not one of those sharks that has to swim all the time."

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

I fired my masseuse today. She rubbed me me up the wrong way.

"Greg will be giving your massage today."

"Call me sentimental, but if I had to live my life all over again, I wouldn't change a thing."

'Only way I could get him to come was to tell him it was massage therapy.'

'If I was any more relaxed, I could host a NPR program.'

"I'm glad you're enjoying the massage feature on your new chair, but can you lower the setting a bit?"