Massage Aficionado Pillows

"I'm afraid the niceties of our underwater massage must remain a trade secret."

'If I was any more relaxed, I could host a NPR program.'

"That feels good...now scratch a little to the left."

'This is the place I was telling you about.'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

Massage? Phone Suzy written on hand towel

'Oh, you're so tense, you must have a lot of stress in your job.' 'No ma'am, that's just my saddle.'

'I also offer massage therapy.'

"I hear you've been rubbing the customers up the wrong way. . ."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"I can't wait for vacation - I'm going to go sun myself in a south-facing window."

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"I'm just saying. This would be even MORE romantic if we couldn't see in the dark."

'Now try and relax - we're on holiday!'

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

Mantis Love

A Manicure

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

"How long were you in that headstand?"

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

Happy Retirement

"Noooooooooooo!"

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

"I want to work from home!"

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

'I can remember when no one had even heard of t'ai chi.'

Father Christmas with a psychiatrist during summer

'Some blue-arsed fly you turned out to be.'

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

'Don't get me wrong. I like the hugs, but I could really use a kiss once in a while.'

Couples Massage

"Oh Darling, you're spoiling me! I've never tried tropical fish!"

I can't bear to be without you.