Massage Fanatic Pillows

'There, Miss Kaufman, getting the rhythm now?'

I fired my masseuse today. She rubbed me me up the wrong way.

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

'I also offer massage therapy.'

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

Couples Massage

"I still say you're spoiling that dog!"

"Shoulder work ahead"

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

"That feels good...now scratch a little to the left."

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

Foot Massage

Toe-Tickling Machine

Fingers

Bad Hair Day

Masseuse With Rolling Pin

'You've got to give it to Jim, there's nothing he won't do for his customers.'

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

'Only way I could get him to come was to tell him it was massage therapy.'

'If I was any more relaxed, I could host a NPR program.'

"I'm glad you're enjoying the massage feature on your new chair, but can you lower the setting a bit?"

'This is the foot massage. Wait until I do your face, it feels amazing.'

"I used to have buck teeth. Now I have 5,000-buck teeth."

"Don't panic, you're safe: he's my next appointment..."

Photographs of Neville gave gals an itch they found difficult to scratch.

'Sure, it's an improvement. But I guess we'll need to get to the airport a lot earlier from now on...'

"So the SM is for swedish massage?"

"I'm afraid the niceties of our underwater massage must remain a trade secret."

"So, is this your very first visit to a massage therapist?"

'Now THAT'S a massage!'

"Basically, the job is hands on training."