Massage Fanatic Pillows

'There, Miss Kaufman, getting the rhythm now?'

I fired my masseuse today. She rubbed me me up the wrong way.

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

'I also offer massage therapy.'

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

Couples Massage

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

"Shoulder work ahead"

"I still say you're spoiling that dog!"

"That feels good...now scratch a little to the left."

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

Toe-Tickling Machine

Foot Massage

Fingers

Chair massages.

To compensate for the stress of news broadcasts, Tina's TV came with a built-in massage system.

'You've got to give it to Jim, there's nothing he won't do for his customers.'

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

Masseuse With Rolling Pin

Bad Hair Day

'Only way I could get him to come was to tell him it was massage therapy.'

'If I was any more relaxed, I could host a NPR program.'

'This is the foot massage. Wait until I do your face, it feels amazing.'

"I'm glad you're enjoying the massage feature on your new chair, but can you lower the setting a bit?"

Photographs of Neville gave gals an itch they found difficult to scratch.

"I used to have buck teeth. Now I have 5,000-buck teeth."

'Sure, it's an improvement. But I guess we'll need to get to the airport a lot earlier from now on...'

"So the SM is for swedish massage?"

"Don't panic, you're safe: he's my next appointment..."

"So, is this your very first visit to a massage therapist?"

"I'm afraid the niceties of our underwater massage must remain a trade secret."