Massage Machine Aficionado Gifts

Toe-Tickling Machine

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

'I also offer massage therapy.'

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

Couples Massage

The Manicure.

"Shoulder work ahead"

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

Massage parlour offering therapeutic, Swedish, and ego massages.

"That feels good...now scratch a little to the left."

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

I fired my masseuse today. She rubbed me me up the wrong way.

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

"Call me sentimental, but if I had to live my life all over again, I wouldn't change a thing."

We'd like to run a few tests to see how this thing works.

A cheese grader

Combined Harvester

"When you're done here can you look at my laptop?"

'On','Off', and 'Maybe' switches.

'Only way I could get him to come was to tell him it was massage therapy.'

'If I was any more relaxed, I could host a NPR program.'

'This is the foot massage. Wait until I do your face, it feels amazing.'

"I find things go around in cycles."

"I'm glad you're enjoying the massage feature on your new chair, but can you lower the setting a bit?"

"Oh, yes, it's ladies night..."

"Don't panic, you're safe: he's my next appointment..."

"So the SM is for swedish massage?"

'Sure, it's an improvement. But I guess we'll need to get to the airport a lot earlier from now on...'

"I'm afraid the niceties of our underwater massage must remain a trade secret."

"So, is this your very first visit to a massage therapist?"