Foot Massage Aficionado Gifts

Sadie, listen to my new political theory. If you rub my feet. That's a fair trade, you talk and rub. I'll listen. One foot. One foot and I won't run off. Two feet and I'll actually. Listen. Two feet but you have to wash them first. Deal. House of Java Cybrcafe. I get to use Powerpoint. No renegotiations!!!

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

'Yes, Jeb, they do resemble the cow's symptoms...'

'I also offer massage therapy.'

Couples Massage

Sunday morning provides a time to contemplate the state of our souls. Or soles, as the case may be.

Cutting Toenails.

"That feels good...now scratch a little to the left."

Toe-Tickling Machine

Perhaps a ceasefire is in order. Terms? I will agree not to pummel you for forgetting our anniversary. You will refrain from pursuing the possibility that I, too, have forgotten it. You will, furthermore, massage my feet in penance for denying me a reason to yell at you. Non-negotiable! Got off easy.

Doctor to man with baseball player and footbal player on feet: 'You have a bad case of athlete's foot.'

'When you said you are a hammer-toe specialist . . .'

'Sorry I'm late - I stopped off for a beer and a back rub.'

To compensate for the stress of news broadcasts, Tina's TV came with a built-in massage system.

I fired my masseuse today. She rubbed me me up the wrong way.

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

'Only way I could get him to come was to tell him it was massage therapy.'

'If I was any more relaxed, I could host a NPR program.'

Podiatrist to patient: 'Ok ... who's gonna foot the bill?'

"I'm glad you're enjoying the massage feature on your new chair, but can you lower the setting a bit?"

"Don't panic, you're safe: he's my next appointment..."

Medical School. I'm going to specialize in children's feet. You'll be a "podiatrician."

'Sure, it's an improvement. But I guess we'll need to get to the airport a lot earlier from now on...'

Corn and Bunion plants.

'Alright, I'll give you a discount...'

"I'm afraid the niceties of our underwater massage must remain a trade secret."

Man sees door sign at Podiatrist's office: 'This Little Piggy Went to Market'.

"So, is this your very first visit to a massage therapist?"

"I like having my head scratched but what I really love is deep tissue massage."

Employee of the month makes good use of the soup of yesterday.

Paul's Bunions

"Basically, the job is hands on training."

"You may lick my feet. You may not suck my toes."