Foot Massage Enthusiast Gifts

"You may lick my feet. You may not suck my toes."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

'Yes, Jeb, they do resemble the cow's symptoms...'

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

Couples Massage

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

Sunday morning provides a time to contemplate the state of our souls. Or soles, as the case may be.

"Shoulder work ahead"

Cutting Toenails.

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

Perhaps a ceasefire is in order. Terms? I will agree not to pummel you for forgetting our anniversary. You will refrain from pursuing the possibility that I, too, have forgotten it. You will, furthermore, massage my feet in penance for denying me a reason to yell at you. Non-negotiable! Got off easy.

Toe-Tickling Machine

Chair massages.

Doctor to man with baseball player and footbal player on feet: 'You have a bad case of athlete's foot.'

'When you said you are a hammer-toe specialist . . .'

To compensate for the stress of news broadcasts, Tina's TV came with a built-in massage system.

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

I fired my masseuse today. She rubbed me me up the wrong way.

'Only way I could get him to come was to tell him it was massage therapy.'

Podiatrist to patient: 'Ok ... who's gonna foot the bill?'

"I'm glad you're enjoying the massage feature on your new chair, but can you lower the setting a bit?"

'He doesn't sell many dress shoes, but he leads the department in slipper sales.'

Medical School. I'm going to specialize in children's feet. You'll be a "podiatrician."

'Sure, it's an improvement. But I guess we'll need to get to the airport a lot earlier from now on...'

"Don't panic, you're safe: he's my next appointment..."

"So the SM is for swedish massage?"

Corn and Bunion plants.

'Alright, I'll give you a discount...'

"So, is this your very first visit to a massage therapist?"

Man sees door sign at Podiatrist's office: 'This Little Piggy Went to Market'.

'Now THAT'S a massage!'

"Basically, the job is hands on training."