Foot Care Aficionado Gifts

'School of chiropody? You can't miss it. Straight down here and it's next to the parmesan cheese factory.'

'My feet are killing me.'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

Shoe addict.

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

Podiatry. The greated podiatrist of all time, you say? Yep. I studied at his feet.

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.

"Dear, you are Definitely coming back as a centipede."

Daniel Day Lewis & George Glasgow

Running shoes? You have the wrong idea about "fasting," Brother Ernest!

"I'm down here, Mona. That's your slipper."

'Best to keep downwind.'

"You're right. They do taste funny."

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'Yes, Jeb, they do resemble the cow's symptoms...'

"Look on the bright side – the Rogaine worked!"

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

"Nothing is ever in my size either."

'My acne is worst on the dark side.'

Crocodile Shoes

Sunday morning provides a time to contemplate the state of our souls. Or soles, as the case may be.

FASHION NOTESFIRST SHOES FROM ITALY

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

"Relax. I'm just here to trim your nails."

"Doctor Scholl and Mr. Hyde."

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

Here's my dental insurance card. Sorry. Twig had a visit within the last 6 months. This one's not covered. That was a check-up. This is an emergency. How about Twig's chipped tooth? Your policy doesn't cover cosmetic problems. Now I get it! My insurance is cosmetic. Have a nice day!

'You are pigeon toed.'

"Worst case of dry scalp ever!"