Massage Fan Gifts

Massage Mushroom Cloud

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"I won't be in today. I've decided to live off the land."

Pre-Television Man Caves

DIY marriage counseling.

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'Does the gym have a motorized version of this cycle?'

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

Hairstyles

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

'Have you been working out?'

'Slices Mandy! Just slices!'

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

"Yoga has helped me appreciate the healing power of donuts."

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

"How do you feel about turning over?"

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

Therapy for the cow dependent

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

Curling Rocks!

Woman stuck doing situps has spider web being built under arm

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'