Beauty Treatment Fan Gifts

"You imbecile! I asked for a bigger 'pout'."

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"And she's had her tentacles waxed."

DIY marriage counseling.

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

Hairstyles

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

Gah! My Timotei is dead. - 'But what have we here? Tresemme with orange, mango, and passionfruit.' - 'Mmmm... passionfruit...' - '*Glug* *Glug* *Glug*' -

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

Therapy for the cow dependent

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

"How do you feel about turning over?"

2050 A. D: Cloning is quite common place.

Gerald seems to have turned into a Viking during lockdown

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

Short Term Memory Loss Support Group: 'Good evening. You're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room.'

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."

"Try taking baby steps."

'...And when I asked my parents if I was adopted, they said 'not yet.''

He'll do your hair afterward if you ask nicely.

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

"Oh, no, not the messy hair bun!"

'Now where did I lay my comb?'

You're a sham, Al. In truth, I'm a mere shadow of my former sham, doctor. I was hoping you might help me get back to my old fake self.

"Was that the sensitive spot you were telling me about?"

'Botox...' - pumpkin faces

Last chance for dream analysis.