Vintage Beauty Fan Gifts

Best before 65 million BC.

Instructions for Bow Tie Wearers

"I feel bad for the companies that make lipstick."

"Ernie's full service salon and day spa."

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'..It's just that with all your amazing powers of deduction and elimination, Holmes, I'm just a little surprised that the best solution you can come up with for seeing off the hound of the Baskervilles, is to 'chase them across the moors with a hoover. up

Adult Barbershop

The Dandy

Hairstyles

'It's called a 'hat' -- you tip it to women instead of hitting them over the head with a club.'

A gentleman giving some children a lesson in manners

Victorian Secret

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

Masked Ball

'Dauber Micawber'

Tea and Sugar Rationing

Rabbit has cosmetically enhanced teeth: 'I always said that when I could afford to I'd get them fixed.'

Man on tube using dreadlock as support.

"They listen to weird music, dress funny and you don't dare go into the bathroom after they've been in there!"

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

"I love your shadow, it's so retro."

'We need your exact age...'Woodstock Generation' isn't specific enough.'

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.

How I feel with....liquid matte lipstick, lip gloss and chapped bare lips.

Bloomer Wax: 4 Pence

Purple dress

'He's a little old fashion, but it's his love for red meat that bothers me.'

"And thanks again, Greg. It was divine."