Married Life Entertainers Gifts

"He's retired, which means too much husband and not enough money."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

'No, but thanks for asking.'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"You're only as old as you feel, right, honey? And today, I feel like being 24!"

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'...and he hogs the sunny spot!'

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

'I wonder how my husband is managing at the construction site with my gavel.'

"Now remember - ten paces, turn and fire..."

"Don't like your present? Fine. Give it to me - I'll wear the diamond earrings."

'Quit interrupting me. You were always doing that.'

Marriage Guidance

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

'Everytime I look at another man he hits the ceiling.'

'Harriet just became a senior, but she's an oldie, but goodie.'

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."

A New Development in the war between the Sexes: Guilt Seeking Missile

'So, you were unbunging the sink when your husband said...'

'I pursued the ol' M-R-S degree, with a concentration in all of his shortcomings.'

"To be honest, after our marriage I thought you might have released your inhibitions."