Marriage Veteran Gifts

'Your wife's lawyer was damn good. Your prenup is still in effect down here.'

"Life Without Parole"

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

"I figured, better the devil you know."

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'I'm used to having my decisions overturned since I've been married 20 years.'

"I have been happily married... three times!"

'Remind me again darling - what were we just arguing about?'

Are you trying to change me?

'I can't believe it - fifty years married and all I've ever been is Plan B!'

"Even your sleep is curmudgeonly."

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

'Turbulence? Oh I'm used to that, I've been married 20 years.'

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

'How long have you two been married?'

Tunnel of love

"If you include my first marriage I'm a three time loser."

"Not really all that different... We've been living apart for decades."

"I was going to leave you once."

"'We've been happily married for s long that we finish each other's sentences...' That's the part where you finish my sentence, you moron!!!"

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

"...until death do you a favor."

"The president is awarding the Medal of Honor to 24 Army veterans...whose heroism and gallantry were overlooked because of their race or ethnicity."

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

The Colonel reading Clive's letters to the ladies of the regiment.

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

Monument To The General/Soldier Monument

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

'You know your mother Dave, she's always on my back about something.'

Your Dinner Is In The Trout Stream

'Every weekend he's off hunting with his buddies! I never see him!!!'