Bachelor Life Veteran Gifts

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'...Please stop the...'

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

'How long have you two been married?'

'You know your mother Dave, she's always on my back about something.'

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

'What kind of...'

"I figured, better the devil you know."

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'I've got the iron.'

"Living Alone - It's just plain fun!"

'Slow and hurl.'

'Dang! Six more hours.'

'Tele-barketer.'

'Remember, kids never over inflate your water wings.'

Bachelor Cake

'Let's see what's on the war channel...'

'Dang.'

Tunnel of love

"MY dad says that a man calls himself a bachelor until he gets married. Then he calls himself a bl**dy fool."

'I'm coping.'

'Just so long as it doesn't lead to Math tests in church.'

'Will you be dining alone tonight, Sir?'

'I'm used to having my decisions overturned since I've been married 20 years.'

"Not really all that different... We've been living apart for decades."

'Okey-doke,'

'Turbulence? Oh I'm used to that, I've been married 20 years.'

'I can't believe it - fifty years married and all I've ever been is Plan B!'

'Remind me again darling - what were we just arguing about?'

'Thank you for another blessed year together.'