Bachelor Life Veteran Gifts

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'...Please stop the...'

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

'How long have you two been married?'

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

'You know your mother Dave, she's always on my back about something.'

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

'What kind of...'

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

"I figured, better the devil you know."

'Remember, kids never over inflate your water wings.'

'Let's see what's on the war channel...'

'Slow and hurl.'

'I've got the iron.'

"MY dad says that a man calls himself a bachelor until he gets married. Then he calls himself a bl**dy fool."

'Tele-barketer.'

'I'm coping.'

'Dang! Six more hours.'

"Living Alone - It's just plain fun!"

'Dang.'

Bachelor Cake

'Will you be dining alone tonight, Sir?'

'I'm used to having my decisions overturned since I've been married 20 years.'

'Just so long as it doesn't lead to Math tests in church.'

'Okey-doke,'

"Not really all that different... We've been living apart for decades."

'What's the special?'

'Turbulence? Oh I'm used to that, I've been married 20 years.'

'I can't believe it - fifty years married and all I've ever been is Plan B!'

'Thank you for another blessed year together.'

'Remind me again darling - what were we just arguing about?'