Marriage Recount Expert Gifts

PERSONNEL, 'This is terribly embarrassing -- I've been married so many times, I've forgotten my maiden name.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

"Honey, I'm home."

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

She always said that Harold hogged the covers. Mildred Sims. Harold Sims.

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."

'I told my wife that I didn't buy her chocolates because she'd put on a bit of weight...how many roses do you think it will take before she lets me back into the house?'

"My wife finds it natural to nag, so if you hear that I died of natural causes, you'll know why."

"I'm writig a novel using our marriage as inspiration. It's called, 'This Sucks.'"

"A special offer from the Beatrice Wiggins Marriage Bureau they may be - but I'm afraid it's still bigamy, sir..."

"Tim, I'm having a problem with your marriage proposal."

He'd often look back and wonder what went wrong. She'd catch him sometimes and call the police.

"I always take an interest in my husband's hobbies. . . that's why I hired a private detective. . ."

"You might want to take this. It's your wife."

What is acrimonious Divorce

"It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together."

"Typical! Just typical!"

'We have a good marriage, but not a marriage made in heaven.'

"Have you been farting?"

"My wife is all in the eye of the beholder."

"You did this to me."

"Well, my wife would be angry too if I was spending more money on make-up than she was."

'She's sex mad - gets mad if I want it!'

Henry Adams was very good at his job (marriage counselor).

"Is that true what he says Pauline? That you've unfriended your husband on Facebook?"

"I just need reassurance, Debbie. When your Folks die you're coming into a bundle, right?"

'Vince is 46, but he has the income of a 20-year old.'

"I could use a breath mint after all that coffee. Have you seen them?"