Marriage Recount Expert Gifts

PERSONNEL, 'This is terribly embarrassing -- I've been married so many times, I've forgotten my maiden name.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

"Honey, I'm home."

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."

'I told my wife that I didn't buy her chocolates because she'd put on a bit of weight...how many roses do you think it will take before she lets me back into the house?'

"A special offer from the Beatrice Wiggins Marriage Bureau they may be - but I'm afraid it's still bigamy, sir..."

"My wife finds it natural to nag, so if you hear that I died of natural causes, you'll know why."

"Tim, I'm having a problem with your marriage proposal."

He'd often look back and wonder what went wrong. She'd catch him sometimes and call the police.

"I always take an interest in my husband's hobbies. . . that's why I hired a private detective. . ."

"My wife is all in the eye of the beholder."

"Have you been farting?"

What is acrimonious Divorce

"Typical! Just typical!"

"It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together."

'We have a good marriage, but not a marriage made in heaven.'

Henry Adams was very good at his job (marriage counselor).

"So, how's your snit coming?"

"You did this to me."

'Vince is 46, but he has the income of a 20-year old.'

"Is that true what he says Pauline? That you've unfriended your husband on Facebook?"

"I just need reassurance, Debbie. When your Folks die you're coming into a bundle, right?"

"Well, my wife would be angry too if I was spending more money on make-up than she was."

'She's sex mad - gets mad if I want it!'