Marital Issue Analyst Gifts

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Wanna talk about it?

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

"It's not what you think."

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

"Honey, I'm home."

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

'We're past the 'romantic' phase and into the 'living hell' phase.'

"I'm afraid, we may have to keep your wife in for a few days."

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

'It's nothing serious. My wife and I just had a little tiff.' (Marriage counselor covered in bruises, cuts and bandages).

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

'If she's that upset about the football match we're playing in this afternoon, what's she going to be like when she hears about the darts match this evening?'

"Lately she refers to me as her 'insignificant other'."

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.