Marital Issue Analyst Gifts

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Wanna talk about it?

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"It's not what you think."

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

'She says she's never had an affair with David Beckham and she expects me to believe that!'

"I'm afraid, we may have to keep your wife in for a few days."

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

'We're past the 'romantic' phase and into the 'living hell' phase.'

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

"Honey, I'm home."

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

'It's nothing serious. My wife and I just had a little tiff.' (Marriage counselor covered in bruises, cuts and bandages).

'If she's that upset about the football match we're playing in this afternoon, what's she going to be like when she hears about the darts match this evening?'

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

Lawyer, couple in bed - 'Natalie, remember my mother said we shouldn't go to sleep without settling things...'