Marriage Market Analyst Gifts

'Vince is 46, but he has the income of a 20-year old.'

'Vince is 46, but he has the income of a 20-year old.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Okay, I'll admit I was wrong. But I won't say what I was wrong about.

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

"OK, now what?"

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

"I'm going to New Zealand for a walk."

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"He just married me on the rebound."

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

"It's not what you think."

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

'We're past the 'romantic' phase and into the 'living hell' phase.'

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

"Honey, I'm home."

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

'It's nothing serious. My wife and I just had a little tiff.' (Marriage counselor covered in bruises, cuts and bandages).

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

"I liked you better as my first husband."

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

'He is so lazy,I even had to get a man in to cut our wedding cake.'

'He always leads with his chin! Is that my fault?'

"We usually get along, but when we don't, we fight like, um...well, you know."

"Just remember, the number one reason for divorce is marriage."

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."